the details/31

by poems & doodles

i was so sure i’d never forget
the blush of your cheeks in winter
the bridge of your nose
the soft curve of your neck
and the way it drew my mouth in
or how your laugh was the worst
and best thing.
the worst because
oh, how you screeched!
the best because
that never stopped you.

but the details blurred
little by little
and at first
i couldn’t remember
whether the gap in your teeth
fell on the left or right
whether you hated jasmine or vanilla
and i have a feeling
you preferred cummings
over whitman

but that’s only a feeling
somewhere in my gut
where the unexplained unravels itself
and my head catches up sometimes.

sometimes.

and the moments i could once recall
with such clarity
have turned to stills,
photographs
stiff and cracked,
edges curled and
warped from time
and constant handling.

and i can’t even tell if that’s
your face anymore
because my fingers have rubbed out
your features, your details
in a desperate attempt to feel them again.

and i know that once
your cheeks flushed in spring
though i cannot recall the exact shade of pink
nor the cheek exactly.

i just know that i should know that.

and there is somewhere inside
where your smile resonates
and catches me unaware under the guise
of deja vu – and the moment
i try to focus on it
it disappears.

i may not recognize everything
the details, the nuances

it may very well be that i do not recall anything at all.

but i do know that you are someone
worth remembering

and maybe that is enough.

… yesterday the owls called to each other for hours
their voices filled the trees with that
ridiculous hooting.
it was a most curious thing
but i didn’t mind at all.

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